30 Rock ficlets
by Ishie
Summary: Un-related ficlets written for various challenges and just because. Currently includes: Kenneth, Jack, Grizz & Dotcom
1. candor

Originally posted at ishieland on livejournal

Prompt: candor

-

One of the letters Kenneth always wished he'd sent:

FROM THE DESK OF KENNETH ELLEN PARCELL

Dear Mama,

Happy Birthday, Mama!! :D

I wish I could be there in the living room with you to celebrate your birthday but I will not be leaving my room until your friend Ron is out of your life forever. He's ruining you, Mama! And I'm not going to call him Daddy no matter how many times he tells me to!

The Lord works in mysterious ways and it isn't our place to question Him but I think he made a real big mistake in bringing Ron to our home. Why, if it weren't for Ron, maybe Billy Beau and Rae Jean and little Tupelo would still be living with us instead of with those new families he found for them. :(

I miss you, Mama, and my room is real lonely with only me in it now but I mean it when I say I'm not coming out except to go to school and to prayer meetings and to attend to my more pressing hygienic matters.

I hope you have a Happy Birthday anyway though. I love you.

Your son,  
Kenneth

One of the letters he wished he hadn't:

DEAR MR STARBUCKS COFFEE:

YOU MAKE THE MOST MAGICAL BEFER BEVERRA DRINKS I HAVE EVER TASTED. Do you use UNICORNS to harvest the ingredients??? I've been awake for 36 HOURS AND I DON'T EVEN FEEL TIRED!

If you're ever in NEW YORK CITY, we should hang out! Mr Tracy Jordan said he'd take us ANYWHERE WE WANT TO GO! Yay! (I don't think we should go to his favorite petting zoo, though. Grizz told me SCARY THINGS happen there.)

Your friend!  
Kenneth!


	2. jettison

Originally posted at ishieland on livejournal

Prompt: jettison

-

It takes Dr Williams more than their scheduled hour to get Grizz to admit how he's really feeling.

"I just feel so underappreciated!" he exclaims. A tattered tissue is wadded up in his fist.

Dr Williams nods and takes some notes on his ever-present pad of paper. He does that a lot, even when no one is talking. Dotcom spent the first few sessions worrying that everything they said would eventually find its way into a tell-all autobiography or onto some thinly-veiled blind item blog, but he's worked through a lot of his trust issues in the last few years. Now, instead of worrying, he just checks the usual blogs once a week and forgets about it the rest of the time.

"It was like we weren't even sitting there!" Grizz continues.

"Yeah," Dotcom agrees. He's still working on some of his communication issues.

Dr Williams looks thoughtful. "Now, the last time we were together, you told me that you've both made some remarkable progress on maintaining the boundaries in your relationship with Tracy. Do you still feel that way?"

"I do," Grizz says. "I think we're doing what we need to do, and I've noticed that my appetite's improved, too."

"What about you, Dotcom?" the doctor asks. "Are you still having trouble with chronic food boredom?"

"No," he says. "Not really."

Dr Williams and Grizz both beam at him. It's the longest sentence he's used so far today.

"That's great news, guys. Unfortunately, we're well over time for today." He tosses his notebook back onto his desk and stands. "For next time, I'd like you both to put some thought into whether you think Tracy meant his words as you heard them, or if you heard a different meaning because of your guilt and anxiety filters."

In the Escalade, as they're driving back to the Rock, Grizz seems pretty happy. He usually does after a session with Dr Williams. Dotcom pulls the truck into a turn lane and thinks that maybe quitting Tracy's entourage wouldn't be the end of the world after all.

He hopes he'll still get to visit sometimes.


	3. awkward conversations

Originally posted at ishieland on livejournal; written for Porn Battle VII; thanks to totesnotakitten for the beta

Prompt: awkward conversations

-

"Are you sure I can't get you anything else, Mr. Donaghy?" Jonathan wrung his hands together. "I still have a barrel of cheese balls behind my desk!"

Jack tried to wave him off. "No, thank you, Jonathan. I'm just going to enjoy the comforts of the old office. My _new_ old office, I guess I should call it."

He tried to step around his assistant without making any kind of physical contact. He was still in a very precarious position, both mentally and physically, and no one knew for sure how long it would last. The double-secret classification of the Gay Bomb made it impossible to get a qualified medical opinion, and Dr. Spaceman had only given him a bottle of pink pills and a wink.

Just when Jack thought he'd made it safely past and was ready to step into his office and close the door, Jonathan lunged at him. He reared back as Jonathan wrapped his arms around him and wailed, "I'm so happy you're back!"

He was holding on for dear life but that wasn't the only reason Jack was suddenly short of breath. He clenched his fists and gritted his teeth and thought of Governor Reagan facing down a mob of angry Berkeley hippies. If only he could display such strength of will! To face one's darkest days and not waver, to stay the course with that thick, luscious mane of Just for Men™ Darkest Brown shining in the sun...

He gasped when Jonathan giggled breathily and said, "Oh, Mr. _Donaghy_," as he pressed the back of his hand against Jack's rapidly hardening cock. He wrenched away from his assistant, giving him a wild-eyed stare and just barely managing to keep from throwing himself at him, before running into the office and locking the door behind him.

This was going to be a very long day.

By eleven o'clock, he'd run out of the Little Debbie snack cakes that Kathy Geiss had kept hidden in the washroom, the ones with the little sprinkles on top. By twelve, he'd been into his own liquor cabinet and liberated a bottle of scotch from behind the juice boxes.

By one-thirty, he'd broken. There was no use fighting it. The chemicals still coursing through his blood wouldn't let him. He couldn't stop thinking about things that he could never admit to doing, or liking, not if he wanted to continue watching _The O'Reilly Factor_ with a clear conscience. But he couldn't stop thinking about the men in that room with him. About Cooter and General Halifax and that Marine guard who'd never even removed his boots...

After two drinks worth of fumbling with the buttons, he figured out how to dial his desk phone and wedged himself into the space under his desk, with a unicorn and a half-full glass of whiskey clutched to his chest.

"I can't stop thinking about you," he whispered into the phone. "The way you held me in your arms, the light bouncing off your bared shoulders, the-"

"We can't do this, Jack," was the brusque reply. "You and I both know there are much larger things at stake than what we have between us."

"But-"

"No, Jack. This is the last time we can ever speak. Perhaps one day, when we've routed all the terrorism in the world and crushed those pinko Democrats, two men will be free to give in to their chemically-induced passion without fear of retribution and hatred. But that is not this day."

Jack clutched the phone tighter, listening hard for that sarcastic little chuckle that always sent shivers down his spine.

"I'm going back to the secret undisclosed location now. Don't try to find me."

"I won't, Mr. Vice President. But I'll think of you every time I tell some godless hippie to go fuck himself."

After the click, Jack stayed under the desk for a long time. Eventually, Jonathan worked up the nerve to ask over the intercom if there was anything he could do.

"Get me a seat on the redeye to Reagan National," Jack answered, and cursed his wartime weakness. He needed the comfort of another man's arms, a man who knew what it meant to be a casualty of the Bush Administration without ever setting foot on a battlefield or being the US Attorney in one of seven districts. A man who knew the pain of printing reports on a computer that was actually a cardboard display model, and the agony of discovery that the most erotic sexual encounter of one's lifetime was with a man one could never have.

_I need Cooter Burger!_ he thought as he hugged the unicorn close.


End file.
